Clearing up the details
by Kizmet
Summary: A history for Spike, written during the 4th season.


**Clearing up the Details**

Disclaimer: Characters and Premise are borrowed from the show "Buffy, the Vampire Slayer."

"Spike there are some inconsistencies in the Watcher's Journals which I was hoping you could clear up," Giles said. 

"It's not as if I have much else to do chained up in this bath tub," Spike said. "You promise to move the telly in here and I'll see what I can do to help." 

"Yes, of course. According to the journals you killed two slayers, Mary Camly and Emma Renault." 

"That were them," Spike replied. 

"And that you were turned in the year 1800." 

"Angelus thought it was a good way to celebrate the end of the century," Spike said. "So what's your problem, everything's right." 

"Spike that isn't possible, Mary Camly died in 1793, you would have been human at that time." 

"Made it a whole lot easier to off the little chit," Spike said. 

"Spike, do you mean to tell me that you killed a slayer while you were still human yourself? Why would you do that?" 

"Angelus were coming, I knew what she was and didn't want her getting ideas about staking him." Spike said matter of factly. 

"You knew Angel, knew what he was, seven years before you were turned?" Giles asked. "This is simply unprecedented." 

"Naw, didn't know all that seven years before he turned my," Spike commented grinning. 

"But you said…" 

"I knew him for sixteen years afore he turned me." 

"Sixteen? Spike you couldn't have been more than a child, why?" 

"Cause Angelus liked me, but I wasn't old enough to turn. 

"Vampires keep bits and pieces of what we were when we were human. The human Angelus had been had this kid sister, Kathleen, who thought the world of him. He killed her when he got turned, but a few years later he got to missing her. I hear he and Darla used to get into real ugly rows over him wanting her to turn these little girls he'd find that reminded him of his sister. Darla really had her work cut out for her beating it into Angelus' thick skull that child vampires aren't a good idea. 

"Once he got over that, Angelus decided he'd just keep the girl human until she grew up. That didn't work either, the girls would be all upset over him taking them and eventually they'd annoy someone too much with their carrying on, or someone would just get hungry and they'd end up killed. 

"Eventually Darla got so sick of it that if she ever saw Angelus with a kid, she'd kill the kid on the spot to save the headaches. 

"Which was when Angelus found me. I can't remember what happened me self, I weren't old enough, but Angelus used to tell me about it. Sort of a bedtime story, while I was a kid. He'd tell me how we met, how he knew I was his special one, not just another one of the cattle. 

"He and Darla had had a spat, so they was split up at the time. Angelus was traveling on his own that night when he came across some Highwaymen looting a carriage. 

"They'd already killed the adults, who were probably my parents, when Angelus showed up. They didn't want witnesses so they decided it would be for the best if they killed him too. Course shooting Angelus just got him upset. He killed 'em, ripped their throats out. 

"He was still showing his true face when he noticed me and this little girl I was with, she might have been my sister. The bandits hadn't gotten around to killing us yet; we weren't much of a threat. Well I guess I must have thought that Angelus was a friend or something. Maybe because he killed them that killed my family. Any case Angel says as soon as he looked at me I threw myself into his arms, ignoring that he was a demon and all covered in blood besides. 

"The girl, my sister, was older than me, about six or seven, so maybe how Angel looked scared her worse. Anyways she let up a howl, screaming and such, terrified out of her mind. Vampires have pretty sensitive ears, we don't like a racket, so she irritated Angelus, he broke her neck. 

"I do remember what happened after that. Once everything had calmed down, Angelus relaxed and switched over to his human seeming. I thought it was the best trick ever, he switched back and forth a couple of times for me, I asked to teach me to do that. He said when I was older. 

"Anyways Angelus liked how I took to him so he kept me. We traveled round England for about three years after that. Then he figured Darla would probably be looking for him so it wouldn't be safe to keep me anymore. 

"Angelus found some people to take me in for awhile. They weren't nice; I got hurt pretty often while I was with them. I told Angel that when he come back to check on me several months later. 

"He told 'em what I'd said, then he killed 'em and found me another family. It sort of set a pattern. Angel would leave me for a couple of months to go play with Darla. Then he'd come back and either he'd have a problem with the family taken care of me, or I would, so he'd end up killing them. After that it would be just us for awhile, then he'd find someone else to leave me with. 

Giles looked horrified, "Spike, didn't it bother you, Angelus killing all those people who looked after you?" 

"Why would it? I was about four when Angelus found me, I stayed with him three years, I know what he was the whole time. I knew he was going to make me like him eventually. By the time he left me with that first family I was used to all the killing. Didn't bother me cause they were just cattle, I was Angelus' special one. It weren't like I ever had real strong fellowship feelings for humans. Angelus was my family, the other were just people to watch me while Angel couldn't. They were temporary, they died, I couldn't count on humans to last. Angel was the only constant, the only one it was safe to love. In fact loving him was the only thing that made me safe, I knew that. 

"Well, back to the story, knowing about vampires like I did and having heard about the slayer from Angelus, it didn't take me long to realize that Miss. Mary was her. I knew it were about time for Angelus to come back for me and I didn't want the slayer getting to him first. 

"I went out one night and found her. I'd been watching Angel charm people into doing what he wanted for years, so it was no big stretch for me to convince the slayer I was just some poor hysterical kid. When she let down her guard to try to comfort me I stabbed her. After she died I went back home to wait for Angelus. 

"He showed up about two weeks later. Angelus didn't know what to think of my killing the slayer. On one side he was real proud of what I'd done. There's not many that can say they've bagged a slayer, although Angelus himself has taken a few. He was also pretty pleased that I'd been trying to protect him, but he told me straight off he didn't need protection, from anything. What he were really mad about was he'd told me I was never to leave my house after dark without him. I disobeyed him to set up Miss Mary. That were the first time I ever disobeyed him over anything, the last time till well after I'd been turned as well. 

"In the end he decided the family he'd left me with were to blame, cause they knew I wasn't to ever be out after dark. So he killed them. He punished me pretty fierce too, the scar," Spike gestured to his eyebrow, "Came from me falling into a table when he hit me." 

"After that things went back to normal. Only Angelus started spending more time with me." 

"He told me a lot about what being turned was like during those years. I think that might be why I retain more of my human personality than were normal for a vampire, of course my pre-vampire personality wasn't exactly normal for a human anyways. See the thing is went a person gets turned it's usually this huge shock, you die, your soul gets torn away and a demon moves into to your body, pretty traumatic. Except I knew what was happening, I'd been waiting for it my whole life. 

"Angelus and I even choose the night about two years before he changed me. For me being changed weren't a shock it was just part of growing up. 

"The first night of the new century I remember being nervous, waiting for Angelus to do it, but we talked. Angelus said I could wait another year or so if I really wanted. He joked about how much I used to want to be able to change my face like he did, and how I'd finally be able to do that myself. It relaxed me so I decided to do like we'd planned. I'd trusted Angelus as long as I could remember; to me being like him wasn't a bad thing. I'd never thought of him as a monster, he was just my Angelus. 

"It didn't even hurt much when he bit me. Course that might have been because I was good and drunk when he did it. Even so I can remember how Angelus' blood tasted, remember him stroking my hair as I drank. I remember dying in his arms. During the change you're still aware, I know Angelus never left me from the time he drained me to the night when I rose. After I woke we went hunting together for the first time. 

"After our experience with the soulless Angelus I have trouble seeing him acting as you've described," Giles said. 

"That's because the version you met doesn't play with a full deck. I think having to share space with a soul drove him round the bend. He used to be okay, if you were his at least." 

"And his behavior toward you during the year before last was fairly reprehensible as I understood it. That was why you choose to ally yourself with Buffy, was it not?" Giles asked. "Hardly the behavior of a loving, if homicidal, parent." 

"Yeah well, lets just say that Angel didn't deal well with his child growing up," Spike replied. "We were good as long as I was dependent on him, as long as I worshipped him. Unfortunately I got older, started wanting to make my own choices. 

"That's why Angel made Dru like he did you know. Cause I couldn't be what he wanted anymore. Course me and Dru falling for each other didn't help matters in our little family much. It did hold us together though, Dru was devoted to her "Daddy", but she wanted me to stay as well. So I stayed, and things got worse. 

"Finally Angel lost his temper with the both of us and took off for Budapest with Darla. That was the last time I saw him till Sunnyhell. 

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